Insecure, confident, overachiever or slacker, mindful or stressed, you are not only one of these things. The beautiful mind of yours, is a compound of these emotions and attributes. One day you might feel sad, another day, you feel invincible.
I want to try and explain what I feel regarding goals, my comfort zone and social media and how that is connected with feeling good enough.
I think “too much” and I believe that I will always have a bit of a stress dealing with this sinus curve of life. That sounded dark, but you know, it’s not. It’s exactly that – LIFE. I try and do my best at everything. It is like I hope that someday, like a lightning through the sky, out of a sudden, something will tell me “This is good enough” or better yet “You are good enough”.
My mind often tells me; You should be educated, be a great friend, a loving girlfriend, a party-starter, a collaborative colleague, an overachiever, a kick-starter, a co-founder, aspire to once become a super-mom, be a fitnessqueen and if you are something less, that’s not good enough. Being aware of these thoughts is a first step, changing the pattern with actions is a good second.
If you think about it, you shouldn’t want to reach your goal, how fun would that be? “I’ll take the rest of my life off, I just reached my goal yesterday.” You’ll find a new goal, and a new challenge. Goals can be uplifting, or they can feel overwhelming. This has to do with how you set your goals, and how you think about yourself and your own ability to reach them. There are ways to write down SMART goals, but if you are not smart about them, they can easily be too fluffy or too hard to reach. They should connect with your inner core, your values and be sprinkled with your passion and dreams. Not the other way around.
Get a good mentor, a life coach and maybe you’ll have a few of them? I listen to my parents, successful women in tech, my boyfriend and my closest friends. You don’t have to listen to only one person at a time unless it’s you. You have the power to combine the advice and input from all of these sources to connect with who you are.
What’s with this famous Comfort Zone and the all the fuzz about being on the outside of it? Yes, it’s where you grow, plans are realized, dreams come true and you see pink skies, drink rainbows and poop butterflies. Until you hit a wall.
It’s not that I don’t agree about the above statement, but no one told me that I had to visit the comfort zone every now and then to make it work. The comfort zone is also for growth, it’s where you put your guard down, learn to trust, listen to and help other people. It is where you do the deep thinking about yourself, the world and how it’s all connected. You can’t do that when you’re uncomfortable and always on the go. Search for personal growth, a successful career or a kickass physique outside the comfort zone, but come visit your comfort zone once in a while to catch your breath.
What does social media do to your mind? How do you handle the exposure, visibility and attention? I’m on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, LinkedIn, Pinterest etc. I use them as different communication channels for different messages to different audiences. That’s what they are to me. I see myself as strong enough to be able to look through hundreds or thousands of fitness-posts on Instagram or successful profiles on LinkedIn, without letting it change me and how I feel about myself. I’m not sure that I am that strong though.
Break it down, sometimes watching these social media is really motivating and it is usually that day I feel invincible. “I can reach this form too, I can get abs!” “I too can co-found a company!” Other days, when I’m sad, I might look at the pictures and my inner voice tells me “You’re not good enough, look at you, that is never going to be you.” How can I learn to understand this pattern, and stay away from social media when my mind can’t do anything constructive with the message?It’s so easy to state, “I’m not affected by social media”. But it’s not that easy. I believe that some can learn to become aware how it affects them, some won’t ever get affected (negatively) and some should probably not be on social media because of the complexity of messages and interpretations.
If social media make you question if you’re good enough, try and make a change.
Often, women are found to be the insecure overachievers to a larger extent than their male peers. What I found has helped me is to talk about it openly. Share your success, share others success, share your insecurities and back each other up. It is not hard being a woman in tech, or in random male dominated environment, nor is it easy. It’s ever-changing, but it’s not until we have reached the same norms and dogmas as foundation for both men and women outside and inside tech communities, that we can stop talking about it.